So I'm no longer in Tacoma. I'm also no longer teaching. So I swapped out the verb and location present in the blog title to create a post title a little more applicable to my current situation. The word 'Learning' stemmed from the fact that I've been a student in a pretty intensive class entitled Trials And The Purpose of Your Life, the instructor for which is God (look ma, a metaphor!). I didn't get a syllabus at the beginning of the class, partly because I wasn't actually aware of my enrollment until recently. But now that I know that I'm in this class, I'm realizing how far behind I am on my notes and that I better start writing down everything I've learned before I forget it. So, although the original purpose of this blog was to share my experiences teaching the gospel, I feel like it's not too far off for me to switch gears over to share my experiences learning in the gospel. Oh, and L'hôpital is just the hospital in French. I literally typed "medical words that start with L" into google and took 5 minutes to scroll down the list of results before I decided to scrap that and just find a language that would better accommodate my need for alliteration. French, ladies and gentlemen. Where manicures are classy, kisses are wet, and they put party hats on their Os.
So while I'm not currently in a hospital (especially not a french one), I will be next week, and my whole last year of life has taken place in hospitals, and l'dôctors ôffices (fake french) as well as in my l'bed.
Back to the here-and-now, I've written up for your viewing pleasure a snapshot of what it's like to be me right now. And now, please enjoy: an average day in the life of McQuivs, illness-haver extraordinaire-
Sometime AM: awoken by abdominal pains. Rolls out of bed, maybe washes a dish or sends a text, eats something. Now returns to bed, overcome with pain and exhaustion. Sleeps for 2-4 hours.
Early PM: wakes up again. may get dressed and ready for day, depending on severity of symptoms. eats lunch. again retreats to bed and sleeps an additional 3-4 hours.
Evening: wakes up from 2nd nap. Greets roommate who is now coming home from work. tries to live vicariously through roommate's stories of the outside world. attempts to relieve frustration that the day is over and nothing is accomplished by cooking something. Eats a portion of what is cooked, which brings on more pain and fatigue. Returns to bed.
And then it all starts over again. I sleep 14-16 hours most days, and spend 20-22 hours in bed lying down. People ask me why I don't just not eat, and that does seem to be the best solution. Some days I'm stronger than others and I can go a while longer without food and then I don't have to sleep as much. Adderall, also, is a must if I have a commitment I can't cancel (like a doctor's appointment or church). I took a 2 credit class last term that was twice a week and had to take adderall and not eat strategically in order to attend class. But that meant each day following, I was essentially useless, and couldn't even get out of bed. It also burned me out pretty fast so I couldn't keep it up after the term ended. In summary, I'm basically the least fun person of all time. But as I'm learning in my Life Purpose class, that's okay. There are other things I'm supposed to be doing right now (learning patience is a big one), and I don't need to be at full physical capacity to accomplish those. That doesn't mean I don't want to be. Natural-man me (hereafter to be referred to as Natural-manQuivs) is eager to remind me that it's been 2 years and I'm only getting worse with no diagnosis or viable treatment options and what's the point of living if it's like this, yada yada. She's a complainer, I tell ya. But I'm armed with the knowledge that God knows me individually. That He has a specific plan and purpose for my life, and that in time, He will help me to understand how this illness fits in to all that. And that knowledge makes the toughest days a little easier to swallow.
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